Algo and the Funky Rhythms

2 05 2008

Perusing the web has quickly become a symphony of algorithms… if it wasn’t – how would anyone find anything worthwhile?

Back in the day it was easy to create ham with a “sp” batting lead-off. Now, thanks to Algo and the Funky Rhythms it requires something witty… something relevant… something informative… Why? So we don’t have to sift through garbage.

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a ton of trash out there on the web and you know what? I don’t want to sift through it, but somebody’s got to. That’s where Algo and the Funky Rhythms perform concerts of epic caliber. They filter the junk, categorize, and move it to the bottom of the pile. Whereas the quality stuff is filtered through and placed in a pile where it has a chance to eventually move to the top.

Ever wonder who puts the hawt post where it’s at, or the featured post for each category? Algo and the Funky Rhythms that’s who. That’s their tune, and if keeps me from sifting through garbage… I’ll listen.





Last Sneeze Lightly Sprinkles Saturn’s Rings

29 04 2008

Today was rather productive for two reasons: the first, I’ve completed a rather complex quadratic equation…

Time + Time = More Time (…deep)

The second – I thundered out a sneeze that reached lunar status, and eventually found its way to Saturn. This time of year, hot and dry blustery winds whip through the canyons causing desert-ish conditions. Embedded in these winds are various pollens that delve deep into the olfactory, thus creating powerful sneezes, that in this case travel long distances.

To give a clearer understanding of the path this sneeze followed, I’ve included a link presenting the Moon and Saturn. Often, I enjoy a stealthy outdoor sneeze released into the Universe. This is how it began. As the sneeze bolted out of my nostrils at ludicrous speed, it quickly found it’s way to the moon. Passing the moon on the right, the sneeze headed toward Saturn in the backdrop. Seconds later it is captured within Saturn’s rings, where it lightly sprinkles into a fine mist…

yep, it’s been a prosperous day indeed.





Squibbles

23 04 2008

Out here, on the Unemployment Front, there’s plenty of time for nothin’. Today, squibbles are everywhere…

Squibble me this,
Squibble me that,
Squibble me up, a sweet top hat.





Reduced Salary Opportunities

22 04 2008

Now until indefinitely companies coast to coast are offering reduced salaries. Employees currently making between $30,000-$330,000 a year can now reel in a deft-defying $15,000-$0 a year.

Executive Bonuses
Employees with at least ten years of work experience will have their current salaries instantly slashed by 50% and receive a courteous slap in the face given by their supervisor each Monday morning at 8am.

Hard Work Incentives
Highly productive employees in this same bracket qualify for a Plundered Income Credit (PIC) which will drastically reduce their current compensation far below the poverty level. Additional benefits will include bi-weekly kicks in the teeth and/or gut.

Mid-Level Bonuses
Any employees with less than ten years of work experience will have their salaries reduced by 30%, pay triple for health care, work for free on rotating Saturdays and Sundays and have all bathroom privileges revoked.

Rewards for Career Change
Employees looking to change careers will have the rare opportunity to work for free for their new employers during their first year. Highly productive employees, after their first year, will have the chance to have their own work space which possibly may include a desk and/or chair. A perfect score on their yearly review may result in a .01% pay increase after “scrutinous” executive review.

The Certifiably Unemployable
Those currently unemployed may apply to become “certifiably unemployable.” Those with accepted applications will receive “Don’t Hire” t-shirts (to be worn with tie during interviews), a book entitled “101 Harrowing Insults” (to belittle interviewers), and stylish post-it-notes inscribed with a motivating “In this jerk eat jerk world, you’re hopeless”.

Reduced-salary/double-workload opportunities are projected for sometime this fall.





It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Broke-ness

19 04 2008

Out here on the Unemployment Front, the funds have dwindled to an all-time low. I’m not about to throw a dollar amount your way, but if I did, it would spook you beyond the realm of all things spooky. Let’s just say that I eat a lot of rice and bargain meats.

Even on a glorious Saturday, the heavy-weighing gauntlet of finding a job is just as prominent as it is during the week. Actually, it’s worse, but in a different way… The broke-ass reality of it all just keeps popping up wherever and whenever it deems fit. It’s far tougher to avoid on the weekends.

Finally, the weekend arrives and there are peeps around, but I haven’t the cash to do much of anything. So I try to promote gatherings such as bbq’s, beach ventures or good ole’ fashioned mindless chillin’… but the almighty dollar rules the roost, and when you haven’t got it, your options are quite limited, but I’m not going to harp on my broke-ity broke-ness. Even here in the thick of it all… in the heart of the Unemployment Front – I shall maintain.





Second Interview Seems “iffy” at Best

19 04 2008

I went in for an interview for the first time in two months, but a second one seems “iffy” at best. It was going smoothly at first. I nailed a couple of wretched-ass-line-drive-questions out of the park. Then, hit a snag on this one – “Have you ever had issues with another boss or coworker? If so, how did you resolve them?” The first thing that came to mind was the most irritating coworker the world has ever seen, so I rolled with it.

That day she had been hawk-eying me and asking questions of idiocy. What are you staring at? laughing at? looking at? thinking at? Do you need a tissue? I think I smell feet.

However, it was the comment about sneezing that tipped me beyond the boundaries.

Why don’t you go outside to sneeze?” First off, that’s a lengthy stroll… Secondly, screw that.

I declined to reply (After 8 pointless questions in a row I drift)

Well? Are you going to answer? After a couple of minutes, she got up in disgust – which made me giggle out loud. The giggle turned into a cough, and then an explosive burst of laughter, and then an egg fart squeaked free. As she tapered off like a rabid elephant, I felt a sneeze tickle…

In her glorious absence, I proceeded to sneeze a misty spray onto her keyboard. And when she returned I wafted a handful of stank in her direction, and then glanced at her in utter disgust.

“My keyboard is moist” she said. You’re an idiot, I replied, and continued to glare in her direction.

“What’s that smell? She then asked. (Same glare.)

She began to swat away the beefcake aroma with both hands. After a few seconds, I just simply couldn’t hold back the giggles and I strolled on out of the office.

After I finished telling this during the interview, I kindly nodded, proceeded to show myself to the door, and got lost on the way out.

More Buffoonery on the Unemployment Front