I’m Gettin’ Amped for 5 Bucks a Gallon!

28 05 2008

Truth be known, unemployment doesn’t pay well, and if you’re almost 500 days deep, it doesn’t pay at all. That’s why I’ve been riggity-rackin’ my brain, trying to figure out how to get less MPG’s on my cruise-mobile. Might as well answer an “up yours” with an “up yours, truly”, when we’re lookin’ at $5 a gallon this summer. So, let’s suck the teet off the mother’s teet ’til it dribbles gasoline – then we’ll have ourselves something worth paying for.

I roll in a very fuel efficient ride.  I can easily top 35 MPG’s, but I know, with a lot of hard work (chuckle), I can slice that in half (just like when yooze collectin’ unemployment!) I’ve got a plan, and some tips to share…

3 Easy Steps to Reduce Your MPG’s in One Tank or Less

1.) Add three tons of lead to your trunk, a trailer in tow and fully deflate all tires (Feeling ambitious? Remove hood and doors for added wind-resistance.)

2.) Keep windows down and A/C on full blast at all times.

3.) Rev like you’ve never revved before… always.

Follow these three tips and you’ll see your MPG’s diminish faster than the price of gasoline rising!

Even better, you’ll be thankin’ your lucky stars that good ole G Dubya sent you 6 stylin’ Benjamins. (What a guy, clap, clap, clap… bummer ’bout that whole 8 year thing. You’ve done awesome. So awesome, you’re far stanker than 50 bucks a gallon!)

So, cash in those 6 stylin’ Benny’s, treat yourself to a gallon of gas, hit up the grocery store, spend the rest on this week’s lunch and before you know it, you’ll be just as amped as I am about 5 bucks a gallon.





Parappa the Rappa Still Knows Best

12 05 2008

Unemployment Front – Day 462

Do you know why we stopped the car again?

Cuz you still don’t have a job.





Unemployment Begone with These Great Job Sites

9 05 2008

Some days, on the Unemployment Front, your full time job is having to find one. This isn’t always an easy task. In fact everything about it is downright awful. That’s why I’ve put together this handy list of Web sites that will help you land the perfect job in no time.

http://www.jobs-for-peeps-that-don’t-want-a-job-just-money.com

http://www.nailed-that-interview-and-the-hotslut-at-the-frontdesk-but-still-didn’tget-thejob.com

http://www.answer-all-interview-questions-with-an-up-yours.com

http://www.bunk-ass-companies-with-bunk-ass-jobs-just-for-you!!!!.com

http://www.we-give-suckie-fo-you-job-money-cheap.com

http://www.we-hire-then-fire-after-you’ve-made-us-rich.com

http://www.work-here-you-dumbass.com

http://www.crappy-jobs-shitty-people.com





Sick and Tired of it All

7 05 2008

I can’t even look at a job description without getting nauseous.

After the first word I lose it… whether it’s about the shitty company offering the job or the shittier job description itself, I’m sick and tired of it all… which happens to be my favorite “call-in” to work (when I was employed) I’m sick… and tired, of it all.

Even better, if you think I’m “calling in”, screw dat, you’re getting an email. One of email’s best attributes is dealing with schmucks you don’t want to, or even need to, deal with at all… and wow there are tons of them out there… and oddly enough, they’re in a position to manipulate things… especially the dollar bill.

Up yours dollar bill! I’m heading west where the weather is well and the women are… well busty. This is it… it’s time to venture out… to head forth into something else… anything else. Anything other than this.





Guess What Jobbie Job?

4 04 2008

I just got a Jobbie Job! Psych. I’m still out there job questin’ for your stank cheeks.

p.s. This morning, I hawked up a goober the size of South Dakota.

p.p.s… and I’m shipping it to you overnight mail.