Get a job you bum! In this economy?

27 05 2009

I can’t help but giggle over all this recession talk (not like a school girl, more like the dude with the Mii who looks snide.) Finding a job has been terribly difficult since the “dot.com bust”. This has been going on for roughly eight years. And if you find a job that’s tolerable – try to avoid getting laid-off – it’s terribly difficult.

The only difference now is that everything that was terribly difficult finally got the recognition it deserved… and in the process became horrendously difficult.

I figure, I’ve got a better chance seeing Bigfoot play badminton with Secretariat — using a space asteroid — than finding a full time permanent job.

As accurate as that may seem, there’s a deeper link to what the unemployed have endured. Now, what it means to get laid-off is not only understood by those who have gotten laid-off, but by those who never have.

So when someone close to me, who will remain nameless, said, “get a job you bum.”  I simply replied, “in this economy?”





If you’re unemployed, get those joy rides in NOW!

10 01 2009

Chances are,  gas will breach the $3 mark by May (and hopefully the $4 dollar mark by June… and perhaps Hail Mary may bring it beyond the $5 mark, come July.) We’re just adjusting to the ever-so-dastardly chain of events that have led us to astronomically low gas prices…

My fellow Unemployees, let’s ponder this…  In the past year, we have faced the most detrimental economic crisis in American history, along with hallelujah-style political reform – all just in time for the holidays.

In other words:
We get to finance a bunch of greedy douchebags until 2055.

We get to thank our lucky stars that G Dubya is Long Gone Silver. (Amazing work! We’re in phenomenal shape!)

And, we got to drive around, smiling cheek to cloud over less than $2 a gallon, as we hit the malls to purchase those thoughtful holiday gifts (our subtle economic stimulus.)

Be on the lookout, though – it won’t be long ‘til the numbers on the gas pump roll more rapidly than a slot machine that never pays out.

So get those joy rides in now, my fellow Unemployees, before the fat cats are puffing their cigars,  slobbering in their sushi,  and getting licky licky’s at the massage parlors with your $3… $4… $5 a gallon.

Hit the coast.

Spin donuts in the snow.

Sit in the parking lot and rev, rev, rev…





Parappa the Rappa Still Knows Best

12 05 2008

Unemployment Front – Day 462

Do you know why we stopped the car again?

Cuz you still don’t have a job.





Unemployment Begone with These Great Job Sites

9 05 2008

Some days, on the Unemployment Front, your full time job is having to find one. This isn’t always an easy task. In fact everything about it is downright awful. That’s why I’ve put together this handy list of Web sites that will help you land the perfect job in no time.

http://www.jobs-for-peeps-that-don’t-want-a-job-just-money.com

http://www.nailed-that-interview-and-the-hotslut-at-the-frontdesk-but-still-didn’tget-thejob.com

http://www.answer-all-interview-questions-with-an-up-yours.com

http://www.bunk-ass-companies-with-bunk-ass-jobs-just-for-you!!!!.com

http://www.we-give-suckie-fo-you-job-money-cheap.com

http://www.we-hire-then-fire-after-you’ve-made-us-rich.com

http://www.work-here-you-dumbass.com

http://www.crappy-jobs-shitty-people.com