If you’re unemployed, get those joy rides in NOW!

10 01 2009

Chances are,  gas will breach the $3 mark by May (and hopefully the $4 dollar mark by June… and perhaps Hail Mary may bring it beyond the $5 mark, come July.) We’re just adjusting to the ever-so-dastardly chain of events that have led us to astronomically low gas prices…

My fellow Unemployees, let’s ponder this…  In the past year, we have faced the most detrimental economic crisis in American history, along with hallelujah-style political reform – all just in time for the holidays.

In other words:
We get to finance a bunch of greedy douchebags until 2055.

We get to thank our lucky stars that G Dubya is Long Gone Silver. (Amazing work! We’re in phenomenal shape!)

And, we got to drive around, smiling cheek to cloud over less than $2 a gallon, as we hit the malls to purchase those thoughtful holiday gifts (our subtle economic stimulus.)

Be on the lookout, though – it won’t be long ‘til the numbers on the gas pump roll more rapidly than a slot machine that never pays out.

So get those joy rides in now, my fellow Unemployees, before the fat cats are puffing their cigars,  slobbering in their sushi,  and getting licky licky’s at the massage parlors with your $3… $4… $5 a gallon.

Hit the coast.

Spin donuts in the snow.

Sit in the parking lot and rev, rev, rev…





Day 407 – Wait up… I still need a jobbie job?

20 03 2008

Dear Jobbie Job,

I was out looking for you today, but to no avail. I hit up some of the more popular employment sites… http://www.get-paid-for-less-and-work-more-dot-com
http://www.sucka-toe-get-a-job-dot-com
http://www.awesomest-friggin-jobs-around-for-crazy-low-salaries-dot-com.

All the great places you usually reside. Why weren’t you there? How many days do I have to look? It’s been 407 days, 279 interviews, 82 2nd interviews, 18 third interviews and 608 gutwrenching chats with HR.