Kevin Youkilis Enrolls in New England School of Wizardry

1 05 2008

After decades of pondering, Red Sox slugger, Kevin Youkilis enrolls in the New England School of Wizardry.

In a recent interview Youk began with, “I’ve always felt wizard-ish, and thought how great it would be to become a wizard. Many confuse me with famous wizards on a daily basis. So, I figured I might as well check it out and just make it happen… and you can’t beat those starry-pointed hats.” While commenting, Youk’s goatee morphed into a fuzzy bunny with fangs, then a savage coyote, and then back into a traditional goatee.

Although Youk’s new hobby will be hands-on-acts-of-wizardry, he has no intention of leaving the Red Sox anytime soon. “These past few years were incredible. The fans are amazing. It would be great to really give them something magical. If I could loft 50, 60 or even a 100 more dingers over the monster each year by nudging my chin towards the stands with a bit of wizardry, then why not?”

When asked whether or not obtaining his wizardry degree would interfere with baseball – Youk disappeared, and then reappeared eating cotton candy with a chagrin smile. He disappeared once more and was supposedly sighted floating above center field, and wafting his bat as if conducting a symphony.