Teeny Smiley Face – Buggin’ Me Out

22 08 2008

There’s a teeny smiley face, chillin’ in the upper right corner of my blog, and it’s buggin’ me out – big time. I’ve been staring at it for over an hour.

It’s winked at me twice. I tried to scare it off with a pair of “hi-chi-style” karate chops, and followed up with a thrusting knee. It didn’t flinch.

Then it double winked – both eyes, same time (damn that’s a spook-fest) then regained its sinister smile.

It’ll come and go, but never stay gone. I refreshed the page and it moved. The fucker moved! It’s planning something…. Maybe it wants to play. Maybe it wants to play patty-cake. I don’t do patty-cake – not any more. I’m through with all that – through! Through damn it! Through!

I know it’s planning something… something big. I don’t know what, but shits going down.

I just waved. Nothing. Same sinister smile. No winks this time… Wait… nope, same sinister smile.

Maybe it wants to fight? I know some sweet moves, (as mentioned above) but it’s got nothing on my “360 roundhouse” – nothing. I get on the couch, yell into oblivion, kick forward, belch, raise a fist high, spit, shimmy, and then spin into a 360 degree roundhouse. It’s highly effective.

What an idiot, this smiley face. Wait… What the? It just rotated, and double winked, right, then left… and what’s that smell? That’s it. I want it outta here… outta here, now. I’m bringin’ my dogs out…





A Time to Refresh

23 05 2008

If you ever get the chance to take a couple of weeks, or ideally a month, to simply refresh – then do so. Consider it a time to relax and enjoy the world that can sometimes get away from you, drag you down or devour you in its clutches. It’s easy to forget you, no matter who you are, and no matter how strong a character you hold, you can lose it from time to time and that’s alright.

A time to refresh can bring profound revelations, awe-filled moments of clarity, solo laughter or simply a path to follow… and often that path was right there all along, nudging you down it, yet the moments of life took place and created a fog around it. In the thick of it all you somehow got lost, but the true you was there all a long. The day-to-day can bring you into the fog, and a time to refresh can bring you of it, thus leaving you with only you.

Enjoy those couple of weeks, or at best a month, but be certain not to exceed this time, unless you know you truly need it, and you will. To venture beyond the realm of where you have once again found yourself is to become idle, and this is by far worse than ever getting lost in the “midst”. To idle is to truly lose oneself and escape in a manner of which return is unfeasible.

Find yourself, be yourself, maintain and hold onto it always.

A wise fortune cookie once beheld, “idleness is the holiday of fools.”





You’re Going to Need a Whole Lot of Gas, If You’re Building a Business with Farts

3 05 2008

As gas prices tickle the $4 realm – those looking to build a business with farts may be in the money. The time is now to cash in quick by rippin’ foul and furious farts. Why rely on foreign influences when you can rip glorious gas clouds in your car, home and office?

3 Tips for Success:

1.) The wind is your enemy.
Whether you’re rippin’ farts, waftin’ farts or baskin’ within a stank fart cloud; a lofty gust of wind can whisk away your entire fart supply in one fellow swoop. Protect your farts in bottles or cans or freezer bags… and for the love of mankind – don’t let a wispy breeze deplete your entire fart supply.

2.) Think cheesy thoughts, and crank out more farts then you possibly fathomed.
Fiber, cheese and wheat provide incredibly fierce fart power. Tap into your local cheese supply and start scarfing it all down – cheddar, American, swiss, parmesan, Gouda, groo-yair, gorgonzola – you name it… and don’t forget the 12 grain wheat bread. (add more rotten with broccoli)

3.) Turn egg farts into gold, and cabbage farts into silver and bronze.

This is easier than you think, yet so few try. Gather up a frenzy of cheap jewelry, and bring it to the kitchen. Leave it on the counter and begin making breakfast. (If you’ve gotten mega hammered the night before on wheat beer and eaten pizza and/or burritos, then you’re ahead of the game.)

To Begin: Create a fart-o-rific four egg omelet… add rich cream, all the cheeses mentioned above, broccoli, ham, steak, 1/2 cup whole milk, more heavy cream, a pound of white american cheese (must be white), week old cabbage and 1 cup of hot sauce. Cook, consume and wait for a barrage of farts to come trumpeting out.

After you’ve ripped a category five hurricane of farts in your kitchen – remember that cheap jewelry you gathered? Well have a look at it… you’ll find a collection of gold, silver and bronze – all thanks to those egg and cabbage farts!





Algo and the Funky Rhythms

2 05 2008

Perusing the web has quickly become a symphony of algorithms… if it wasn’t – how would anyone find anything worthwhile?

Back in the day it was easy to create ham with a “sp” batting lead-off. Now, thanks to Algo and the Funky Rhythms it requires something witty… something relevant… something informative… Why? So we don’t have to sift through garbage.

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a ton of trash out there on the web and you know what? I don’t want to sift through it, but somebody’s got to. That’s where Algo and the Funky Rhythms perform concerts of epic caliber. They filter the junk, categorize, and move it to the bottom of the pile. Whereas the quality stuff is filtered through and placed in a pile where it has a chance to eventually move to the top.

Ever wonder who puts the hawt post where it’s at, or the featured post for each category? Algo and the Funky Rhythms that’s who. That’s their tune, and if keeps me from sifting through garbage… I’ll listen.