You May Find Solace on the Unemployment Front

24 04 2008

If you ever gotten laid-off, been unemployed, or merely struggled to find a job; then you know how it is on the Unemployment Front. Oddly enough, you’re part of an elite class, and you may just find solace here.

Briefing the Unemployment Front

One important factor to realize while out here on the Front is that this is no place for laziness. Even though no one works, the difference is they try to. Why? Because they want to, not only to make a difference, but because they’ve hit a snag in their lives, and they want to remedy that snag… the trouble is good ole’ Jobbie Job (who you’ll learn about along the way) obstructs their path.

What You May Encounter

Various notions will post on this “ever-so-dastardly-realm-of-nothingness” known as the Unemployment Front. However, there will be one bastion and one alone – how it is on the Unemployment Front itself. As you journey along the Front, you may encounter: unemployment rants, interview tips, random buffoonery, joblessness, utter despair, layoff chats, sheer outlandishness, pointlessness, boredom, preposterous Web sites, business ponders, and of course how it is on the Front… and if you stick around you will certainly get to know my closest friend and detrimental enemy “Jobbie Job“…

More Buffoonery on the Unemployment Front

Guess What Jobbie Job?

4 04 2008

I just got a Jobbie Job! Psych. I’m still out there job questin’ for your stank cheeks.

p.s. This morning, I hawked up a goober the size of South Dakota.

p.p.s… and I’m shipping it to you overnight mail.

Confession from a Jobless Wonder

27 03 2008

Dear Jobbie Job,

I’m going to get all confessional with you, and I’m not going to feel any remorse for doing so. Do you know what my favorite time of the day is? When I get to sleep in without having to deal with your garbage. Do know what my favorite time in the evening is? When I go to bed whenever I please and don’t have to deal with your wretched existence.

Well, that was mighty refreshing indeed – getting that out in the open.

p.s. My scalp has been preposterously dry lately. Can you recommend an effective moisturizer?

p.p.s Even if you could, you’re still awfully dreadful.

Today, You’re Nothing to Me

21 03 2008

Wut up Jobbie Job?

It’s Friday and I don’t want to have anything to do with you. No resumes will be sent. No follow-up calls will be made. No 206 page pointless applications will be filled out. No searches will be made what-so-ever. So, whose got the upper hand now? Huh Jobbie Job – this guy, that’s right. You think I’m going to even attempt to acknowledge you on a Friday? I am laughing out loud, stopping ever-so-often to run around, jump, and power-out uppercuts… and tomorrow… Saturday. Then you can really suck it.

In other news – my orchid bloomed!

p.s. You are the most despicable entity the world has ever known at any point in history.

Day 408 – What Happened with Those Zoo Applications?

20 03 2008

Dear Jobbie Job,

Again I went searching for you, but came up empty. I checked all the usual sites, http://www.we-aint-gonna-hire-you-fackin-thug-dot-com… but nothing. Also, I’ve been waiting to hear back about those opportunities at the zoo. Animals are great. I love the chimps. They make me laugh, but I chuckle harder at the orangutans. I think it’s the somersaults.

Anyways, do you know what’s up with those positions I applied for? I specially tailored my resume (twice) this time.

Just staying proactive.

Day 407 – Wait up… I still need a jobbie job?

20 03 2008

Dear Jobbie Job,

I was out looking for you today, but to no avail. I hit up some of the more popular employment sites… http://www.get-paid-for-less-and-work-more-dot-com

All the great places you usually reside. Why weren’t you there? How many days do I have to look? It’s been 407 days, 279 interviews, 82 2nd interviews, 18 third interviews and 608 gutwrenching chats with HR.