I Reject Your Cake with Authority

2 07 2008

I don’t enjoy cake and that’s the scoop. It’s sticky. It’s sweet. It’s loaded with sugary shards of slop, and I’m not into it at all. So, if you choose to offer me a piece, I will kindly say, no thank you.

Naturally, you will insist and ask again… don’t be shy, have some cake… It’s really good! I’m sure you think it is, but I don’t. So, go ahead and ask me again, like you always do.

Try the cake, it’s simply divine! No thank you, I’m all set… More cake for everyone else!!!

Don’t get me wrong, even though I don’t enjoy cake, I’ll be there to celebrate your b-day, say “congrats” or “you’re the fuckin’ best”, but if you ask me a 3rd time, that sickening slice of chocolate cake is goin’ upside ya head with authority.

If you insist, but a fourth time, then not only will I reject your cake with authority – you’re getting dropped kicked across the fuckin’ room, bounced off the wall and into the cake.

No matter what kind of cake your offering, I’m just not interested – even if your little granny foo foo whipped up her award-winning recipe.

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