Day 418 – When Do I Tell the Folks, I Haven’t a Jobbie Job?

27 03 2008

At what point does one tell ones folks that they are unemployed? Here I am, day 418, and I have been fully employed throughout that entire time. The only tickler being, the folks are unaware. This is for their own good. This is so I don’t get railed with 8,241 line-drive questions every time I talk to them. I can enjoy that stuff while on an interview! This is so I can talk to them. It not about being dishonest. Nor, is it about profound trickery. It’s about having a healthy, long distance relationship. Without relaying this one fun fact – I am unemployed, I can hold onto that, and that’s why it’s worth it.

The unemployed are somehow detached from society.  Even a crappy job is better than no job – society seems exhibit. Everyone wants to know more about you finding a job more than the actual job once you finally find it. This is a hindrance. This is why I always tell people that I just meet that I’ve got a great job. (The job previously got laid off from. ) I might go into something similar to “Just had my two year review – nailed it – 5% pay increase starting next paycheck! This is the way it is. This is how it must be.

Of course, close friends will always know the scoop. There’s no need hiding it from them.

So, when do I tell the folks, I haven’t a jobbie job? About six month in to my next job, but then it’s in the tune of “hey mom n pops, I got a new jobbie job!”

Advertisements




Confession from a Jobless Wonder

27 03 2008

Dear Jobbie Job,

I’m going to get all confessional with you, and I’m not going to feel any remorse for doing so. Do you know what my favorite time of the day is? When I get to sleep in without having to deal with your garbage. Do know what my favorite time in the evening is? When I go to bed whenever I please and don’t have to deal with your wretched existence.

Well, that was mighty refreshing indeed – getting that out in the open.

p.s. My scalp has been preposterously dry lately. Can you recommend an effective moisturizer?

p.p.s Even if you could, you’re still awfully dreadful.





Today, You’re Nothing to Me

21 03 2008

Wut up Jobbie Job?

It’s Friday and I don’t want to have anything to do with you. No resumes will be sent. No follow-up calls will be made. No 206 page pointless applications will be filled out. No searches will be made what-so-ever. So, whose got the upper hand now? Huh Jobbie Job – this guy, that’s right. You think I’m going to even attempt to acknowledge you on a Friday? I am laughing out loud, stopping ever-so-often to run around, jump, and power-out uppercuts… and tomorrow… Saturday. Then you can really suck it.

In other news – my orchid bloomed!

p.s. You are the most despicable entity the world has ever known at any point in history.





Day 408 – What Happened with Those Zoo Applications?

20 03 2008

Dear Jobbie Job,

Again I went searching for you, but came up empty. I checked all the usual sites http://www.my-job-sucks-do-you-want-it-dot-com, http://www.we-aint-gonna-hire-you-fackin-thug-dot-com… but nothing. Also, I’ve been waiting to hear back about those opportunities at the zoo. Animals are great. I love the chimps. They make me laugh, but I chuckle harder at the orangutans. I think it’s the somersaults.

Anyways, do you know what’s up with those positions I applied for? I specially tailored my resume (twice) this time.

Just staying proactive.





Where to find Jobbie Jobs

20 03 2008

For all you jobless wonders out there, I found a couple of awesome Web sites that will not only help you find a job, but pay you half, or if you’re lucky, less than half of what you should be making.

http://www.we-gonna-shiest-you-for-workin-hard-dot-com

…and the more user-friendly

http://www.work-70-hour-weeks-for-FREE-and-get-a-FREE-button-dot-com.





Day 407 – Wait up… I still need a jobbie job?

20 03 2008

Dear Jobbie Job,

I was out looking for you today, but to no avail. I hit up some of the more popular employment sites… http://www.get-paid-for-less-and-work-more-dot-com
http://www.sucka-toe-get-a-job-dot-com
http://www.awesomest-friggin-jobs-around-for-crazy-low-salaries-dot-com.

All the great places you usually reside. Why weren’t you there? How many days do I have to look? It’s been 407 days, 279 interviews, 82 2nd interviews, 18 third interviews and 608 gutwrenching chats with HR.